Our guide to French etiquette and protocol

To move beyond the clichés, there are a few tips that you need to know about the culture in France, these rules, protocols, manners, were typical in the UK and the US 50 years ago, but have long been lost.  The French have some very formal rules and if you don’t want to embarrass them here are a few tips you need to understand in order to socialise and mix with the French, without first offending them.

1 Meeting People: 

In France, the French always shake hands whenever they meet and always for the first time meeting someone socially or for business and again when leaving.

When greeting anyone familiar, from your waiter in your favourite restaurant, the gardener, the Maire, always start and end with a crisp handshake.

The other basic mistake people make is when you enter in a shop or restaurant, get into a bus, post office, everywhere, don’t forget to say Hello, in French:  bonjour Monsieur or Madame depending of the situation.  The French find the Brits very rude as they never say this! It is not unusual for a shopkeeper to refuse service to people they find rude – because they did not say Bonjour on entering the shop.

2 Tu or Vous:

The other choice facing people is the choice between Tu or vous, formal and informal, when speaking French is quite confusing, usually you use the formal way with friends and family, despite your mother in law or aunts if they are French will usually use the formal way to talk to you, your colleagues at work will use the informal way but first wait for them to start using tu.

3 Dinner Time & Socialising:

The French don’t have dinner on the sofa in front of the TV, they eat on the table, it is one of their favourite moments of the day, the dinner or the lunch.

Usually they would have an aperitif on the sofa with a small table in the middle but this drink will be restricted to 2 as the intention here is to warm people up, and in the case of a dinner with invited guests, to allow people to mix and get to know each other, not to start getting people drunk.

Dinner guests are supposed to bring a gift, usually, a good bottle of wine (French), flowers, or similar. 

Wine accompanies dinner and never replaces it. You fill a glass of wine ¾ and never more, to do so would not leave room for the aromas to circulate.  It is not unusual for hosts with tulip shaped glasses to fill around half the glass, and those with the ball (Ballon) shaped glass to be nearer the ¾ mark.

At home, the French don’t do buffet style but a nice plate style, buffet style is considered very cheap and reserved for the cafeteria or fast food. (and Breakfast)

While eating, keep your knife and your fork in both hands and don’t forget to clean your mouth in a smart way with your serviette before taking a sip of wine.

The French keep their hands above the table not in their lap, as the English tend to do.

Try to avoid talking only of subject who interest one or two guests and not the others, failure to mix and talk to everyone in the group is considered a direct snub.

4 Other Essentials:

A typical gesture of politeness, which becomes the opposite if you don't apply it, is to let another person pass through a door first, and a man always gives way to a lady, and if someone gives way to you, it is common to thank them or say pardon.

The word pardon is often a devalued term, it can be used when you wish move someone out of your way (or to get past them), as an acknowledgement of thanks when someone gives way, through to a cover up and simple apology when ever you feel that you may have crossed someone, or pushed in front (accidentally – it won’t cover you if you do this deliberately).

While people in France can sometimes appear to behave impolitely, the use of polite form in language is sacrosanct.  When addressing a stranger, always add Monsieur or Madam.  The French may be proud of being republicans, but they still love titles! All sorts of people, and especially politicians, expect their position to be recognized. When addressing the local mayor, it is usual to say Monsieur (or Madame) le maire. A policeman is Monsieur l'agent.

When writing any formal letter, even to the phone company, it is usual to end it, before signing, with a declaration of respect, a longer version of “Yours sincerely”. A common phrase which can be used in most situations is: Veuillez accepter, madame (or monsieur), mes salutations distinguées. ame, similar to  Excusez-moi, madame when asking directions.  It may sound like an apploigising for asking the question, but without it you may find the responses take longer.